


Bands of Gold

by ladysisyphus



Category: The Lone Gunmen (TV), The X-Files
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21710413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladysisyphus/pseuds/ladysisyphus
Summary: Why DOES Mulder wear that wedding band, anyway?
Kudos: 13





	Bands of Gold

"You know," Byers shook his head, refilling Langley's mug, "there's probably some utterly mundane reason for it, and you're just being ridiculous."  
  
"Untrue!" Frohike drained the last of his own commemorative Mardi Gras 1985 cup and nudged it toward Byers for more; Byers rolled his eyes but complied, tipping the champagne bottle at an angle designed to minimize foam. The bottle had been from Mulder, a gesture of congratulation on their ingenuity in transferring the ownership of the condemned warehouse into Langely's senile aunt's name, and by Frohike's logic, this meant they were entitled to talk about the gift-giver. "There is nothing even _remotely_ mundane about Special Agent Fox Mulder."  
  
Langley took back his mug, which had an Apple logo on the side and a chip in the handle. "Besides," he added, "the file said _unmarried_ , not divorced or widowed or separated. And there's no record of a marriage license issued for a Fox William Mulder issued in the last ten years in a two hundred mile radius of any place he's ever lived."  
  
Byers rolled his eyes. "You two have put _way_ too much thought into this." He was still nursing his first flute of champagne -- being an ex-fed-turned-conspiracy-theorist-cum-computer-hacker was raising his alcohol tolerance, but only slowly -- and had apparently been the only one of them ever to own actual glassware. Three months ago he would have hotly denied that sprawling on the dirty floor of an abandoned building might bring him even the slightest bit of joy, but he had to admit, he was actually having a great time. "All right, what's _your_ theory?"  
  
"It's some sort of high-tech FBI anti-bug gizmo," said Langley. "The wires are cased in gold for conductivity, and the vibration the closed circuit sets off a signal that disrupts listening devices. Runs off body heat and galvanic skin response."  
  
Frohike snorted. "Is that the best you got? You make him sound like Batman."  
  
"All right, genius, I'm all ears for _your_ bright theory." Langley leaned back against a rusty iron support pillar and crossed his arms.  
  
" _Obviously_ it's a homing beacon of some sort, cued to several satellites in geosynchronous orbit." Frohike tapped the back of his left fingers for emphasis. "Probably has a way to activate it, like a distress beacon of sorts. I bet the FBI can have a SWAT team into wherever he is in under ten minutes. They do drills for that sort of thing."  
  
Now it was Langley's turn to snort. "Who the hell would put a homing beacon _there_?"  
  
"Well, nobody's going to ask him about it!"  
  
"What do you mean, nobody's going to ask him about it?"  
  
"Well, _we're_ not asking him about it, are we? And we're the most suspicious guys I know! You know, next to him."  
  
The Frokihe/Langley intellectual ping-pong matches were great entertainment, and this one concluded, as most of them did, with both of them turning to look at Byers, and Byers' becoming aware that he'd been laughing aloud. "Okay, _you_ go," they said in near-perfect unison.  
  
Byers stammered for a moment. "It's -- well, there's -- I know some men who -- it's--" He stopped talking and drank a full mouthful of champagne to steel himself, then took a deep breath. " _Some_ people I know, and I'm not naming names, like to wear a wedding band when they're ... er, looking for _companionship_ , for lack of a better word, particularly of the more temporary type, since anyone who'd be inclined into a tryst with an ostensibly married man -- or, ah, a woman too, I suppose -- wouldn't be looking for a long-term relationship, and--" He was distressed that he could feel heat rising in his cheeks. "And why are you both looking at me like that?"  
  
There was a moment of disbelieving silence, and then Frohike and Langley cracked up so sincerely that Byers couldn't fell self-conscious any longer. "Man," said Frohike, wiping his eyes with his gloved hands, "I'm going to tell him you said that."  
  
"Don't you _dare_ ," said Byers, but by now he was laughing too, and their shared laughter echoed throughout the warehouse that was both their new home and their new base of operations for their shared fight against the darkness, and that was all right.


End file.
